a prayer

our Father.. which arts in heaven..
hallowed be Thy name..
Thy kingdom come.. Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day.. our daily bread..
and forgive us.. our debts as we forgive our debtors..
and lead us not.. into temptation..
but deliver us from evil..
for Thy is the kingdom, and the power and the glory forever... amen.

journey of love

seed of love, where does it come from.
from the highest mountain? or from deepest ocean?
from the wisdom of a wise man? or from the mouth of a dumb?
no, it came from you and me.
inside our hearts, there is a tree of love.
sometime in some people it grows wild, in other it grows tiny.
the wild bares fruits like it never die, like the tree grow in the riverside.
the tiny one bares only one or two in times, small fruits.
but they live, deep inside our hearts.

in times the fruits will fall from its tree and spread their seeds to our hearts.
in time, the seed will try to find a heart to grow with.

spring

now is the early of the spring season, where the trees and bushes are leafy again
the snows is a past now, flows by the river in the mountainside to the sea
small colourful flowers came up from the branches, among the drips of the melted snows
each drip flashes the warm spring sunlight, creating view of spangles stars in tree leaves
seeds and nuts, they turning into the young trees, open up their soft leaves to celebrate the sunlight
white petals of apple blossom now showing from branch, decorated the branch with warm white
newly spring wind breezes slowly, bringing the odour throughout its path
Salmon fish are returning to their resting river from the big sea
jumping and swims harder against river's streams, just to bare their eggs and die
a sacrifice for survival or just the way it should be?

* part 4 of Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring (Story Of The Mountain), archieve from March 2002.

winter

those days of golden has passes away, the season is changing
snows start falling down from the skies, sowed by the winds cover the ground
pieces of crystallized water reflecting the sunlight with the cold of white
a soft white blanket covers branches of tree; could they live through these cold days?
squirrels are sleeping now in their tree hole while the foxes still chasing rabbit at the thick snows.
something changes but others doesn't, it was a call of nature
day of light is fading quickly, along with the howling of white wolf
snow owl stand on the branch with its big eyes, watching the land go to sleep
frozen rivers didn't sound its stream anymore, forgot to sing a lullaby to the land
moon and stars decorate the winter's sky with its pale white light; "goodnight my land"

* part 3 of Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring (Story Of The Mountain), archieve from March 2002.

fall

then season changes, winds blowing a whispering sound
carrying echoes of the mountain and voices of swaying leaves
maple leaves shaded to red and gold falls to decorate the ground
the yellow sunlight reflected by the leaves, changing the land into a golden land
drift away by the river stream, the flower of pine tree cast on the riverside
squirrels running on ground here and there, looking for the nuts that fall from tree
bringing them to hole of home for the season will change to sleep
apple and cherry trees fallen their greens, leaving their dark branches bare naked in winds
will their beautiful white flowers bloom in cold?
where the butterflies lay their eggs for the leaves are gone?

* part 2 of Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring (Story Of The Mountain), archieve from March 2002.

summer

a Scarlet Tanager hopping on the branches of conifers tree, looking for the fruits
sing along with the sounds of river, streaming from the high to mountainside
the sunlight shines from the sky, passing canopies to meet the ground
creating shadows of trees to shade the land
rabbits playing in grass of green with those jumping feet's
furred in dark given by the earth to hides beyond the ground
at the other side of view, there lays a small field of sunflowers
raising the petals high from the ground to meet the sun
the berries bush bare their flowers, colour up the evergreen leaves
invites the bees, cuddle by the winds making a song of nature

* part 1 of Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring (Story Of The Mountain), archieve from March 2002.

24

01 - jangan tertarik kepada seseorang karena parasnya, sebab keelokan paras dapat menyesatkan. jangan pula tertarik kepada kekayaannya karena kekayaan dapat musnah. tertariklah kepada seseorang yang dapat membuatmu tersenyum, karena hanya senyum yang dapat membuat hari-hari yang gelap menjadi cerah. semoga kamu menemukan orang seperti itu.

02 - ada saat-saat dalam hidup ketika kamu sangat merindukan seseorang sehingga ingin hati menjemputnya dari alam mimpi dan memeluknya dalam alam nyata. semoga kamu memimpikan orang seperti itu.

03 - bermimpilah tentang apa yang ingin kamu impikan, pergilah ke tempat-tempat kamu ingin pergi. jadilah seperti yang kamu inginkan, karena kamu hanya memiliki satu kehidupan dan satu kesempatan untuk melakukan hal-hal yang ingin kamu lakukan.

a note

i don't know what to say
i don't know what to do
i can't promise you anything
i can only imagine if this is from God
the way will be easy.

i can imagine how hard the way we will go.
i can't imagine how can we pass it.
but you have the brave heart to challenge it.
i can only say thanks.

and now i give this ring to you to say thank you.
that you have chosen the difficult way with me.
although you can choose the easier way with another.
and it is mean to start our difficult life to be one.

thank you.

* from a friend years ago, about how marriage is a sacrifice from both side.

it's called life

life didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but did promised strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. don't stay on the humps too long. move on!

when you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because life waiting for something better to give you.

when something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.
there's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

seasons of the heart

of course we have our differences, we shouldn't be surprise
it is natural of changes in the seasons at the skies
sometimes we blow together sometimes we drift apart
a wiser man and i might know the seasons of the heart
and i'm walking here beside you in the early evening chill
a thing we always love to do i know we always will
we have so much in common so many things we share
and i can't believe my heart within implies when you not there

     love is why i came here in the first place, love is now the reason i must go
     love is all i ever hope to find here, love is still the only dream i know..

(...music bridge...)

a view of nature

scene #1
i hear the sound of river streams, following the path of rocks to meet the sea
pine trees grow wild and high, reaching the heaven with their branches
seeds of pine leave their fruits, riding the whispering wind
revolving with their fragile wing, spreading the scent of pine oil in the air
the rain from heaven, the ray of the sun, the love of mother nature
helping the small seed grow into a new tree, born to conquer the land

scene #2
i see a chrysalis of emperor butterfly, their black and ugly cocoon
hanging in the branch, covered by the tree leaves from their enemies
it is end of summertime to spring, butterfly try to emerge from his cocoon
trying so hard to see this world, to break out with their paper wings
i wonder why god so hard on this fragile butterfly, somehow it's make it
and now it's free, free to breathe and free to fly, free to live...

* archieve from January 2003

solitude

as the night fall to late night and the moon rise higher over the horizon, we start a conversation. it just another talk as usual, starts with laughter and then i ask you about your plan in future. i might not a good joker after all to you since we've been together as lover. not the same person that makes you laughs and laughs over since our beginning as friend. but i guess you don't mind anyway, because it not just about me that we talk about, but it's your plan in the future and mine. we talk over and once a while we laugh for a small joke. while we talk i always try to show you that i'm tough to overcome my sadness about us being separated not as lover anymore but friend. (well, at least last night i was stronger, but it fades in this morning as i wrote down these lines). i want to break down and cry but all i wish to do is to be a man that shows his strength to carry on life, although as for me life is ended as soon as our relationship is done. since i've realize and since we've talk about our plan and future to go, it seems that we didn't in the same track of life. that plan although broken and that dream might not ever become true didn't hurt me the most but about what did you said, that maybe our time and place has come that we must choose each of our own way separate. i'm not realizing that our

no words...

this few past post has no words on it, just lyrics of song. there’s nothing i can say or write for the moment. for a while i’m losing my words and i don’t know until when i could pour out those feeling inside, for you and may be for others too. and i want to thank you for all those time that makes me learn and teach me about true love.

where is it?

i’m looking for that lonely street. i’ve got a sad, sad tale to tell
i need a place to go and weep. where’s this place called lonely street?

a place where there’s just loneliness. where dim lights bring forgetfulness
where broken dreams and mem’ries meet. where’s this place called lonely street?

     perhaps upon that lonely street. there’s someone such as i
     who came to bury broken dreams. and watch an old love die

if i could find that lonely street. where dim lights bring forgetfulness
where broken dreams and mem’ries meet. where’s this place called lonely street?

(lyrics from Lonely Street, song by Andy Williams)

game of solitaire

there was a man.. a lonely man.. who lost his love.. through his indifference..
a heart that cared.. that went unshared.. until it died.. within his silence..

*and solitaire’s the only game in town.. and every road that takes him, takes him down
and by himself it’s easy to pretend.. he’ll never love again..

**and keeping to himself, he plays the game.. without her love, it always ends the same
while life goes on around him everywhere.. he’s playing solitaire..

a little hope.. goes up in smoke.. just how it goes.. goes without saying..
there was a man.. a lonely man.. who would command.. the hand he’s playing

a game of solitaire, played by one person, now is played by me.

(lyrics from Solitaire, song by Carpenters and other singers)

kita sama...

tersebut sebuah hari, sebuah malam di mana sebuah percakapan terjalin
antara dua anak manusia, yang memang secara tidak sengaja
berbagi cerita tentang diri dan asa, membuka kembali ingatan-ingatan lama
meskipun waktu berlalu tanpa terasa, tapi setiap kejadian meninggalkan tanda
kisah di masa muda, masa di mana segala sesuatunya bermula
aku memulai dengan bahagia, dengan banyak kenangan dalam masa
kamu memulai dengan bahagia, dengan banyak kenangan dalam masa
hanya saja banyak penggalan cerita masaku yang hilang
langkah demi langkah kita jajaki, dari sanalah umur terucap
menelusuri jalan hidup, dengan segala warna dan rasa yang ada
sekarang... masa lalu itu tetaplah masa lalu, kisah hidup hanya sebuah kisah
masa depan selalu ada di depan, karena itulah masa lalu tidak dapat mengejar

to reach

to dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe
to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go
to right the unrightable wrong, to love pure and chaste from afar
to try when your arms are too weary, to reach the unreachable star

     this is my quest to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far
     to fight for the right without question or pause, to be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause
     and i know if i'll only be true, to this glorious quest
     that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when i'm laid to my rest

and the world will be better for this, that one man scorned and covered with scars
still strove with his last ounce of courage, to reach the unreachable star....

hopes

» dorothy thompson:
courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

» allan k. chalmers:
the grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

» martin luther king, jr.:
if you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. (the trumpet of conscience)

aku tidak sendiri...

malam seperti mengejarku, setiap pagi kulalui seperti tak ada pagi,
siang pun berlalu tanpa terasa.
sekarang yang ada hanya sepi, tak ada lagi canda atau percakapan,
bahkan jangkrikpun tertidur.
aku masih terjaga, sendiri... dalam lamunanku, terbayang masa lalu,
masa-masa riang dan sedih.
kutanyakan pada mereka, merekapun berbagi cerita tentang diri,
tentang siapa dan masa lalu.
adikku* seperti cerminan diri, temanku* berbagi kisah yang sama,
aku tidak sendiri...

terima kasih Tuhan karena aku tidak sendiri dalam dunia ini,
terima kasih karena aku masih diberi kesempatan untuk belajar,
belajar untuk mengerti akan arti hidup yang Engkau anugrahkan ini.
....
* posting ini aku dedikasikan untuk adik(angkat) dan temanku yang menemaniku di malam menjelang pagi ini.

i ask about love

sambungan dari (perhaps) love is
lirik lagu Perhaps Love ini mengingatkan aku kembali apa cinta itu untukku.
pertama kali aku mendengar lagu ini, adalah pada saat aku sedang dalam kebimbangan. aku tidak mengerti pada saat itu, mengapa cinta bukan sesuatu yang sempurna -seperti yang aku bayangkan dan harapkan di masa lalu- melainkan cinta itu berubah-ubah dengan seiring waktu dan umurku yang menua. mungkin definisi apa cinta itu terlalu ekstrim pada bagian-bagian tertentu, tapi yang paling aku suka dari lagu ini adalah bahwa cinta itu adalah keterbukaan dan akan menunjukkan aku apa adanya. aku hanya perlu menjadi diriku untuk mencintai dan dicintai. selama masa aku mengenal kata cinta, aku menemukan bahwa mencintai lebih sulit daripada dicintai. aku menemukan banyak sekali cacat dan kekuranganku dalam mencintai seseorang. mungkin karena pada dasarnya aku tidak benar-benar mengerti apa arti cinta bagi orang lain. mungkin karena aku terlalu bersikukuh akan cinta itu seperti apa dalam diriku, sehingga aku hanya akan menyakiti orang yang aku cintai. selama ini, itulah yang terjadi.

like a sad song

usually in the morning i'm filled with sweet belonging and everything is beautiful to see.
even when it's raining, the sound of heaven singing is simply joyful music to me.
but sometimes i feel like a sad song, like i'm all alone without you.

so many different places, a million smiling faces, life is so incredible to me.
especially to be near you and how it is to touch you, oh, paradise was made for you and me.
sometimes i feel like a sad song, like i'm all alone without you.

i know that life goes on just perfectly and everything is just the way that it should be.
still there are times when my heart feels like breaking and anywhere is where i'd rather be.

oh, and in the nighttime, i know that it's the right time to hold you close and say i love you so.
to have someone to share with and someone i can care with and that is why i wanted you to know.
sometimes i feel like a sad song, like i'm all alone without you, without you.

(a song titled Like A Sad Song by John Denver)

just - for you

just a look in your eyes again, just to lay in your arms
just to be the first one always there for you, just to live in your laughter
just to sing in your heart, just to be everyone of your dreams come true

just to sit by your window, just to touch in the night
just to offer a prayer each day for you, just to long for your kisses
just to dream of your sighs, just to know that i’d give my life for you

     for you for the rest of my life
     for you all the best of my life
     for you alone, only for you

(perhaps) love is

perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
it exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
and in those times of trouble, when you are most alone
the memory of love will bring you home

perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
it invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
and even if you lose yourself, and don't know what to do
the memory of love will see you through

     love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel
     for some a way of living, for some a way to feel

...fate or tale?

sambungan dari a foretelling...
saat pertama kali membaca 'ramalan' ini, aku terkejut dengan banyaknya persamaan dengan apa yg aku rasakan dan jalani sekarang. meskipun tidak 100% sama tapi aku tahu kamu juga bisa 'membaca' bagaimana aku selama ini. aku sendiri tidak mengerti, apakah ini benar-benar sebuah 'ramalan' belaka atau ini memang sudah 'takdir'ku?...

selama ini seperti yang sering kita bahas, aku tidak bisa menerima 'takdir' begitu saja. karena pada dasarnya aku hanya percaya pada konsekuensi dari pilihan yang aku ambil atau keputusan yang aku buat. aku hanya tahu kalau segala sesuatu perlu diperjuangkan, tidak ada yang datang begitu saja buatku. aku tahu akan adanya 'berkat' dari Tuhan dalam keseharianku. bagaimana dengan apa yang aku alami selama ini? apa ini karena pekerjaan Tuhan dalam 'nasib' atau konsekuensi yang harus aku jalani karena suatu keputusan di masa lalu?

a foretelling...

sebuah ramalan (berdasarkan penjumlahan dari angka kelahiran) menyatakan bahwa aku:

• sifat-sifat utama mereka yang angka garis hidupnya 9 adalah rasa kasih pada sesama dan sikap yang sangat humanis. ini adalah misi yang harus anda pelajari dalam hidup. biasanya angka ini menghasilkan individu yang sangat dipercaya dan pribadi terhormat, juga seorang individu yang tidak punya sifat rasialis dalam bentuk apapun.
• tentu saja, semua ini terlihat seperti daftar sifat yang terlalu sempurna, tapi anda memang seseorang yang berperasaan peka bagi mereka yang kurang beruntung dibandingkan diri anda. dan jika anda ada dalam posisi yang bisa membantu, akan anda lakukan. anda sangat peka dan memandang sekitar diri anda dengan rasa kasih.
• anda dengan angka garis hidup yang tertinggi ini berada pada posisi kehidupan yang tinggi dan dengan sendirinya mempunyai banyak tanggung jawab. tujuan hidup garis hidup 9 ini bersifat filosofis. hakim, pemimpin spiritual, penyembuh dan pendidik, seringkali mempunyai energi 9 ini.

batas - manusia

sambungan dari batas
seorang teman mengajarkan aku, bahwa tidak ada manusia yang sempurna
aku lupa, karena aku selalu mengharapkan kamu (menjadi) sempurna
seorang teman juga mengatakan kepadaku, jangan hidup dalam mimpi
aku lupa, karena bermimpi membuatku (merasa) mampu menghadapi hari esok

aku manusia dengan begitu banyak keterbatasan dan kekurangan
tapi aku bisa dan sudah menjalani lajur kehidupan yang panjang hingga kini
jadi kekurangan bukanlah penghalang, mungkin sebagai batu loncatan
untuk aku belajar dan mengerti dan menerima akan arti hidup ini

bahagiakah kita?

sambungan dari bahagia (tanpa syarat)
mungkinkah kita bahagia tanpa adanya cita (tujuan)?
mungkinkah kita bahagia tanpa berharap apa-apa darinya?
mungkinkah kita bahagia tanpa mengerti ke arah mana?
mungkinkah kita bahagia tanpa kepastian?
mungkinkah kita bahagia? apakah kamu bahagia? ...