bahagia - tanpa syarat

seseorang pernah berkata kepadaku, kita jalani saja apa adanya hidup ini.
apapun yang terjadi di hari esok ya biarlah terjadi, kita cuma manusia.
manusia yang percaya bahwa takdir Tuhan itu ada.
mungkin Tuhan sudah menggariskan apa yang harus kita jalani sekarang.
kalau memang ada perpisahan ya berarti kebersamaan kita hanya sampai sebatas itu.

kamu bilang tidak adil buatku, dalam kebersamaan tapi tidak berbagi mimpi yang sama.
aku berharap hari esok seperti ini, sedangkan hari esok buat kamu bukanlah itu.
mimpiku berbeda dari mimpimu, dalam asa juga beda. mengapa kita harus berbeda?
bukankah kita hidup dengan begitu banyak pilihan?
kenapa tidak kita pilih jalan bersama? bukankah itu membuat kita bahagia?

a perspective - III

the first time when i arrived at home, a whispering words of cakep from neighbor come to my ears. all i do is smile, not because i'm felt i'm good looking since i don't know the meaning of that word (now i do, and thanking people whom said that). :-) lifestyle in jakarta does changes me a lot in my way of thinking. i have lots of friends from school. and i quite active in school extra curriculum and activities. i found that friendship does simpler in here. maybe it caused by our age and we were young child. with them, i learn how to tease other, making jokes, learn my first bad words, and learn how to demand and about sharing with others.

time passing by us, i'm in middle school now. in here i've found my first group of friends, since there are some gaps between students to other. a genit teacher, a hard way teacher, a cuek one, and there's many more of teacher habit and style that i can describe in my school. i have friends that in those times when we are in one class, we compete in class's rank; who's the number one out of four. well, i quite miss those times.

a perspective - II

now i'm arrived at jakarta; leaving my hometown, following my parents as they settle down in here. the first time i'm stepping out from plane is the heat wave of jakarta greets me with the feeling of burnt in my face. along with the journey to home, all i can tell is jakarta so very jam-packed (the first time i added 'macet' in my dictionary) compares to my hometown. sighs....
oh, i'm almost forgetting. the first time and i wish i could turn back to that time, is (when i'm at the schoolyard back in my hometown) i saw the sun's halo¹ shape as a ring of rainbow in a perfect clear sky without burns my eyes out. that were the first time i believe there is a powerful force beyond my imagination and sight. i believe the existence of God that day.
....
¹ a halo is a ring of light surrounding the sun or moon. most halos appear as bright white rings but in some instances, the dispersion of light as it passes through ice crystals found in upper level cirrus clouds can cause a halo to have color.. (http://ww2010.atmos.uiuc.edu/(Gh)/guides/mtr/opt/ice/halo/22.rxml)

batas

kulihat dirimu terus berlari walau impian telah terbang tinggi
tak henti coba kau raih, tak sadar dirimu yang tak bersayap

kebebasan manusia tuk bermimpi, melayang ke angkasa tak henti
namun harus terus membumi, kemampuan kita telah dibatasi

   namun kita bisa melangkah, tiap bagian dilewati, bekalilah diri

     kejarlah mimpimu, karena hidup tuk menggapainya
     kan kau sadari nanti saat tiba waktunya tak mampu lagi kau raih
     itulah batasmu..

ada saat tuk harus berhenti, tataplah sejenak cermin diri
haruskah terus mengejar atau kau cari mimpi yang lain

(©2005, Batasmu dari album Langkahku - Bram)

thank you

trouble i brings, sorrow i cause; but you still there.
i'm keep asking why you have to do those things. you said: "because you are in my responsibility since the time we are one. don't you worries and troubled, as life is for us to learn". i decided to take this song out and presented to you, thank you for those time when i'm make mistakes and you still there for taking care of me with patient and loves. thank you so much...

when i'm less than i should be, when i just can't face the day;
when darkness falls around me, and i just can't find my way.
when my eyes don't clearly see, and i stumble through it all,
you i lean upon, you keep me strong, and you rise me when i fall.

a perspective - I

once upon a time when i was young, i love my solitude in life. i love when i sit alone in the dark room, while other kids wouldn't dare. realize that i have my own world and my own time makes me could stay for hours in that room. i think it was a brave thing to do, i don't afraid of darkness and ghosts. all i wish to found is a light; i wish i found it in the dark. where as we know, light would be radiance in dark even it was a small light such as candle light. i can't tell even now, what kind of 'light' that i wish to found. it might be just as a game that i had played once, a game of 'i wish it come true'.

i turn into a boy, whom learns about -a hard life- in school time. i might have an ugly look and a poor brain, so nothing but trouble do i get. in class, i'm almost the only one whom had a bad scoring all semester. from months to year, years to age. i guess i'm quite lucky to pass to upper grade with this condition. but i had a friend to accompany me in punishment, by standing in front of the class standing one leg up and one hand reaching the opposite ear thru head. well i guess it wouldn't hard to go on. but in free -break time- between

mencari jati diri

aku tidak tahu aku ini siapa, aku tidak ingat kapan aku lahir
aku tidak mengenal keluargaku atau tahu asal usulku, aku hanya sebatang kara di sini
tapi sekarang aku sudah beranjak dewasa, aku tidak kecil lagi
aku sudah berhasil dalam hidupku, tapi aku masih tidak tahu jati diriku
ada yang bilang aku mirip dengan si A, ada yang bilang aku koq mirip si M
tapi menurutku aku lebih mirip dengan si G, tapi kebenarannya aku tidak tahu
adakah orang yang bisa mengenaliku, siapa aku sebenarnya?!?
mungkinkah aku ini jenis pohon mangga yang lain??

(A·Arumanis - M·Manalagi - G·Gedong - sebuah kisah tentang pohon mangga tua di pekarangan rumahku, karena tidak ada yang tahu pohon mangga jenis apa dia itu. kasihan, sungguh kasihan.)

angin... #2 - part deux

matahari semakin tinggi seiring waktu yang berlalu.
aku masih terduduk, kali ini aku duduk di kursi,
bermalas-malasan dengan ditemani tiupan angin yang setia.
masih terasa sejuk, masih membunyikan gemerisik dedaunan,
di pelataran rumah yang berhiaskan bulatan-bulatan cahaya,
cahaya matahari yang dibiaskan melewati dedaunan.
alangkah teduhnya aku saat ini (ternyata baru pukul 10.10 siang)
arrrgghhhhh, aku lupa! harusnya aku cuci baju, mumpung panas!     ..LOL..

angin... #2

ketika pagi ini saat aku duduk di pintu rumahku;
bersandar pada kusen menghadap ke pelataran luar,
angin bertiup...
kupandang gumpalan awan-awan putih yang berarak-arak di langit biru,
bergerak menuju satu arah mata angin.
aku bisa merasakannya, merasakan terpaan dan sapaan angin diwajahku.
"selamat pagi alam...", sapaku.
sinar matahari juga berbalas menyapaku,
membersitkan cahayanya melewati rimbunan dedaunan pohon yang bergemerisik,
seperti gemuruh ombak kecil di pantai saat angin bertandang di antaranya.

what a peaceful morning i might say.

sudah lama sekali sejak terakhir kali aku menikmati pagi di hari libur,
seandainya aku bisa menikmati pagi seperti ini esok hari... :)

untitled

the moon is gloomy shining, faded by thin grey clouds. tonight, the night seems so hard, hard on my weary heart. when i stare again to the sky, the moon has shifting to another point. another hour has passed me by while i’m sitting here restless in my mind. thinking of you and about me, about our days and times, it seems it wasn’t ours anyway. it just another game of choices in life, another play, and whom wins or loose i don’t know.
the mirabilis jalapa flowers bloom in front of me, showing white petal dotted with red. sometimes i just forgot how simple life can be, nothing new in life, just another turn of time. everything goes on theirs own way with rules and pattern of life. tonight the flowers delight in fragrance, by morning the bloom will fade away by sunrise. just like as i live today and die by tomorrow. but the flowers will keep on blooming. sigh... well, sometimes i just take some things too hard while the flowers don’t.

ode to my brother #1½

lay down your head, and i'll sing you a lullaby-
back to the years, of loo-li lai-lay;
and i'll sing you to sleep... and i'll sing you tomorrow...
bless you with love, for the road that you go. ...

in memory of my brother 1977 - 2004
as the tunes of this song played, i write down these lines imagining that i’m at your side at your last moments. it’s quite hard to wrote down some of the -never exists- feelings about you. i still remember the memories of our childhood and your smiling faces with your laughers. although we spent our times with quite many -among brothers- fights, with jealousy, pride, tears, pain, joy, and many more in so many moments, my heart cracked to cry when i saw you lying down. now i can’t hear any of your calling for me, or when i heard you laughter when some jokes open up in the air.

ode to my brother #1

lay down your head, and i'll sing you a lullaby-
back to the years, of loo-li lai-lay;
and i'll sing you to sleep... and i'll sing you tomorrow...
bless you with love, for the road that you go.

i dedicated this song for my younger brother whom passed away. by his last hours, i wasn't there for him. watching him lying down without words and sounds, without breath and soul on the other day, breaks my spirit, because all that left is regrets. may this song accompany you in your sleep and never to worries about tomorrow anymore... may you rest in your peace...

(portion of lyric © 2005, Sleepsong by Secret Garden in Earthsongs album)

half a world away

you're half a world away,
standing next to me;
it seems that everyday,
i'm losing you almost invisibly;
though you are near,
i can't reach that far,
across to where you are,
and so you stay...
just half a world away.

the first time i've hear this song, i was in love with it. first the music that somehow brings me to my dream and second, the additional lyrics as another composition of it. it reminds me of you. so i can't put another words to say but this song. it show how much i miss you.

(portion of lyric © 2005, Half A World Away by Secret Garden in Earthsongs album)