ode to my brother #1½

lay down your head, and i'll sing you a lullaby-
back to the years, of loo-li lai-lay;
and i'll sing you to sleep... and i'll sing you tomorrow...
bless you with love, for the road that you go. ...

in memory of my brother 1977 - 2004
as the tunes of this song played, i write down these lines imagining that i’m at your side at your last moments. it’s quite hard to wrote down some of the -never exists- feelings about you. i still remember the memories of our childhood and your smiling faces with your laughers. although we spent our times with quite many -among brothers- fights, with jealousy, pride, tears, pain, joy, and many more in so many moments, my heart cracked to cry when i saw you lying down. now i can’t hear any of your calling for me, or when i heard you laughter when some jokes open up in the air.

may you sail fair, to the far fields of fortune,
with diamonds and pearls, at your head and your feet;
and may you need never to banish misfortune;
may you find kindness, in all that you meet.

     may there always be angels, to watch over you;
     to guide you each step of the way; to guard you and keep you
     safe from all harm; loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay. ...

seeing he gone in such way makes me realized how fragile a life can be. i can see happiness and drown in it, i can make fortune and i enjoy spent it, how things around me goes - on their own way i don’t care much. but when something of me taken away as time has end, what still i had? nothing much as a void in my head and a hole in my heart. what’s worth the fortune but it can’t bring back something more precious thing as life its own.
regrets i had, debts i owned, forgiven i’m asking. now i carry on my life and take it more precious than before. maybe this is God’s way to teach me, to bring out the sense how to treasure life more than before. well, as the tune plays fade, i’m finishing these lines...

may you bring love, and may you bring happiness;
be loved in return, to the end of your days;
now, fall off to sleep, i'm not meaning to keep you,
i'll just sit for a while, and sing loo-li, lai-lay.

(lyric © 2005, Sleepsong by Secret Garden in Earthsongs album)