the end - II

last night was the time that my solitaire game is over as result that i find a dead end and there's no other move that can be done to continue this game. instead of starting a new game right away, i choose to silent, to review all the moves i've make. there's some mistakes that can be undone anymore i guess. well, this game is quite like life its own, only travel forward, but can be undone sometimes while life doesn't can be undone even for a few minutes back. once i make a wrong move, which lead me to another possibility, that's the way i must take for the rest of life. now i make another mistake by pushing you too hard, asking about how i wish that we can be together for once again, i'm asking for another chance and possibility. i guess, somehow i'm making your feeling even worse about me. and when you say that you would take another move by making a distance between us to make its easier for me to letting you go, forgetting about wishing for another chance and carry on. and for you, so you can carry on your life without burdened with my feeling about you anymore. i just make my silent; my heart and mind are fighting about how right this way is for me. maybe by this distance we have, i'll forget about my feeling to you and carry on to another one. it's just a maybe, because still deep inside of me, i not ready to letting you go not even for a distance. "God, for once again take away this feeling, the love that i thought is mine to keep. maybe forever in my life that You will never allowed me to have this feeling for true."

last night, i cry and ask God to take away this feeling once again. i'm glad that my burden and whatever i'm feeling until last night is taken away. although i wonder why it doesn't hurt as the first time i ever ask God to do this. maybe it just God already take it away years ago. and whatever i'm feeling inside is a fake. maybe what i feel about you is nothing more than a play that i make to be happy as a game in life. i don't know what to think or feel anymore.
there's one thing that i want to promise you. maybe since the day i've changed a lot, maybe you would feel that i'm not the same person anymore and i might turn to more hurtled than before, but one thing for you to be sure of, that i make a bow to take you a my friend and i would keep you as that for the rest of my life as what you wish for. i'm thankful and quite proud to be one as your friend, even with my flaws and yet imperfect, you still want to take me as one.

thank you again i've said to you. for once, i've have someone that so special, with mission and love to teach me again about true love in this life exist. yes, it does exist, not by what i've said before that i don't believe there is even one. you've makes my life seem to have color while before all i do is paint it in grayish color since i known you. i'm honored to be someone that you've been taking care of for the first time in your life. i'm glad to be someone you trusted to have your first love, although i know it wasn't meant the whole world since i don't give you that much in return.
i wish, you will found someone new to you that would makes you more comfort and delightful while taking this road of life and while the wheel of your life turning up and down. i wish you found someone more faithful and true to you, loving you as you are, taking care of you as you were, looking up for you wherever you go. someone that can be your shoulder to rest all your worries and then give you comfort in time of sorrow, a shelter for you in time of stormy rain, a road to lead you for a good and right purpose in your life. all of this i've put in my prayer and hope that God's do the rest for you.

goodbye to you my love, for our road has reached its end, since here we might not in the same road anymore. i've make my vow to take you as my true friend and i would not forget you for the rest of my life until dead take me away. and please don't be troubled by me anymore because i want to see you happy for the rest of your life.

» warren g. harding:
only solitary men know the full joys of friendship. others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile his friends are everything.